Day 32 – I’ve made a huge mistake

I stopped by Aldi’s yesterday for some prosciutto (no luck), and came across some Kerrygold cheese.

On Day 31.  On Day 31 of my Whole182, I found Kerrygold cheese.

A funny thing happens when you reach Day 31.  You realize that the rules are self-imposed at that point.  There’s no miniature Melissa Hartwig sitting on your shoulder saying “THAT IS NOT COMPLIANT,” and there’s definitely a part of me (especially considering I’ve done the program twice before) that’s like, okay, I’ve made it through the 30 days, time to reintroduce.  It feels like that’s what I should be doing.

So I purchased the cheese, and I learned a couple of things about me –

a) after having nothing sweet for 30 days, I can really taste the natural sweetness of the cheese.
b) cheese is a “food-with-no-brakes” for me
c) my body cannot tolerate cheese

By the time I realized I should not have had cheese, it was too late, and I had consumed the entire package (7 oz.).  I consoled myself with the fact that the only non-compliant thing that I had consumed was the cheese, so I knew that if my tummy fought back, cheese was definitely an issue.

I read somewhere that if you have an immediate reaction to something, it’s an allergy, but if you have a reaction 4 hours later, it’s an intolerance.  Well almost like clockwork around 4 p.m., my stomach struck back.  I ended up making no less than four trips to the ladies’ room throughout the afternoon and evening…. not fun!

What I’ve realized, too, as that even just having that cheese tested my willpower and my commitment.  I contemplated getting pizza last night for dinner (I didn’t end up having anything at all due to my upset stomach).  I also thought about doing my old routine this morning of stopping to the corner store and getting my breakfast sandwich, snapple, and two sausage, egg, & cheese tornados…. I’ve definitely had “woah” moments after having the cheese, where I realized just how strong the pull of addiction is.  Being in the mindset of treating it as a legitimate addiction has definitely helped.

So cheese was not my wisest of decisions, but I’m also proud of the fact that I have not veered entirely off-track – the Ghirardelli squares that are still sitting in my desk can verify that.  And that’s kind of what this is all about, right?  Being able to make healthy food choices and navigate the real world?

I am disappointed, though, as I always thought that while milk & cream were rough for me, cheese was okay.  I guess not 😦


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